Review: The Unicorn Crisis

Title: The Unicorn Crisis
Author: Jon Rosenberg
Nationality: British
Year: 2011
Publisher: Self-published
Length: 200+pp
Rating: 8/10
Summary: Brilliant debut fantasy

The outline

A light-hearted fantasy novel which follows ‘summoner’ David Ash as he tries to uncover who transported a deadly unicorn into modern-day Stratford-upon-Avon.

Sample

The Unicorn was going to be trouble. Just looking at it I could feel the world thinning around us. Worse still, one wrong move and the bloody thing would kill me.
"Okay," I murmured to myself. "What's the best counter to a Unicorn?"
"A virgin's always good."

The verdict

One thing is clear from reading The Unicorn Crisis – Jon Rosenberg has a powerful imagination. In this novel he has created a fully realised alternate reality, occupied by elves with an addiction to daytime TV, angry Hindu deities and a long-lived and magically talented version of Christina Rossetti.

The result is gripping and at times I didn’t want to put the novel down. Jon Rosenberg has a particular and rare talent for dialogue and can run a page of rapid fire speech without the reader losing track of who said what. On the downside, some of early sections dragged in pace a little, but this seemed to be largely down to scene setting and was made up for by absolutely brilliant final third with a final battle that reminded me of the Sword in the Stone.

I would definitely recommend this novel, particularly to fans of Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman or Doctor Who (and wouldn’t David Tennant make a great Ash?). I bought the sequel, The Digital Wolf, as soon as I had finished the last page.

Review: The Third Policeman

Title: The Third Policeman
Author: Flann O’Brien
Nationality: Irish
Year: 1940
Publisher: Harper Perennial Modern Classics
Length: 200+pp
Rating: 10/10
Summary: On your bike...

The outline

Delightful weirdness characterises this surreal early post-modern novel with a fixation about bicycles.

Sample

If a man stands before a mirror and sees in it his reflection, what he sees is not a true reproduction of himself but a picture of himself when he was a younger man. De Selby’s explanation of this phenomenon is quite simple. Light, as he points out truly enough, has an ascertained and finite rate of travel. Hence before the reflection of any object in a mirror can be said to be accomplished, it is necessary that rays of light should first strike the object and subsequently impinge on the glass, to be thrown back again to the object-to the eyes of a man, for instance. There is therefore an appreciable and calculable interval of time between the throwing by a man of a glance at his own face in a mirror and the registration of the reflected image in his eye. So far, one may say, so good.

The verdict

The Third Policeman is a far from easy novel to describe. I could relate the basics of the plot – murderous Irishman comes across a rural police station where the officers have an obsession with bicycles – but that’s really not the point. It’s funny, its surreal, its clever... but then so are lots of novels. There’s just something special about The Third Policeman that makes it far more than the sum of its parts.

It’s a novel which should appeal to fans of Kurt Vonnegut, Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams and Laurence Sterne. At times it’s a bit like The Trial, rewritten by James Joyce as a Monty Python sketch.

Put simply, The Third Policeman is utterly brilliant. And I’m not going to spoil it by revealing any more.

Review: I, Lucifer

Title: I, Lucifer
Author: Glen Duncan
Nationality: British
Year: 2003
Publisher: Scribner
Length: 200+pp
Rating: 6/10
Summary: Not bad enough to be good

The outline

God gives Lucifer a chance at redemption, but the Devil must spend a month in human form in contemporary London to get his ticket back to Heaven.

Sample

I, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Prince of Darkness, Bringer of Light, Ruler of Hell, Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies, Apostate Supreme, Tempter of Mankind, Old Serpent, Prince of This World, Seducer, Accuser, Tormentor, Blasphemer, and without doubt Best Fuck in the Seen and Unseen Universe (ask Eve, that minx) have decided - oo-lala! - to tell all. All? Some.

The verdict

I, Lucifer is an entertaining novel, undoubtedly, and Glen Duncan is a talented writer, but it’s also a novel saddled with a major flaw that stops it from fulfilling its potential.

The problem is Lucifer himself. He simply isn’t bad enough to be a convincing Devil and his exploits on earth are somewhat adolescent. He has sex; he takes drugs; he eggs people on; he plots much worse things but never carries them out. This might have worked if the book was about a minor demon, but Lucifer himself...?

Duncan’s Lucifer is on a par with an annoying rock star rather than the nastiest villains of literature. Think Patrick Bateman, think Hannibal Lecter, think Clockwork Orange’s Alex – he doesn’t even come close. At best – or worst – he’s like a cruder version of Lestat at his most needy and irritating... but lacking the bite. Duncan tries to make him witty and intellectual, but if you know as little as a spattering about poetry, the Bible and Christian history his comments aren’t going to tax you. He’s Humbert Humbert lite, which is a shame because a self-justifying Humbert-inspired Devil would have been a really good proposition.

Still the novel kept me reading, it was just a shame that it missed out on much bigger and better things.

Review: Severin’s Journey into the Dark

Title:  Severin’s Journey into the Dark
Author: Paul Leppin
Nationality: Czech
Year: 1914
Publisher: Twisted Spoon Press
Length: 100+pp
Rating: 5/10
Summary: Doesn’t reach its destination

The outline

This gothic novella explores the dark side of decadent turn-of-the-century Prague.

Sample

Death. Something in the rasping sound of the word seemed more exciting, richer in associations than all the sleepy utterances of a sheltered life. A small and perverse envy crept along the surface of his soul and left cloudy, lingering blisters. An envy for Nikolaus, who played with the opal ring on his finger with serene hands and discussed books and journals while it was possible that the carpet beneath his feet still retained the dried blood of the man who had died on it.

The verdict

I thoroughly enjoyed the first part of Severin’s Journey into the Dark. The start of this two-part gothic novella is dark, sinister and disturbing, with an impending sense of doom as the eponymous antihero, Severin, spirals downwards into his own hell. The conclusion of part one hinted at great things to come.

The problem was the part two simply didn’t live up to that promise. Several plot lines were never fully developed, opportunities were missed and the drama of  part one’s finale just fizzled out. After Severin had journeyed so far in part one, the start of part two brought him back close to the start of his travels and he never again got quite so deeply into the dark mysterious world around him as he did in part one.

Review: Twenty Tiny Tales

Title: Twenty Tiny Tales
Author: Willie Wit
Nationality: British
Year: 2011
Publisher: Willie Wit
Length: 467 locations (Kindle only)
Rating: 8/10
Summary: Wonderful Wit!

The outline

Twenty witty and thought-provoking very short stories with a twist.

Sample

The atmosphere, and mood in the temple was as it should be, calm and serene. A group of men clad in drab colours are spread across the main area, kneeling, intense with concentration. Sweat forms on brows, muscles flexing as great changes are taking place within. This daily ritual had been carried out over months and years.

The verdict

I first came across Willie Wit’s short stories on the Amazon Kindle forum and was instantly hooked. Each one of these twenty examples of flash fiction, or very-short-stories if you prefer, is a fine example of the genre. Every story in this collection has a unique and clever twist and guessing what it will be is usually impossible.

The range of stories here is particularly impressive. Most will make you laugh, but there are a couple of poignant ones in there, such as Keep Moving, which will leave you with something to think about. My particularly favourites were the Overtime series and Siddartha, which I thought had the most unpredictable twist of the lot.

As the title suggestions, this collection is very short, but each story is a real gem and the creative force behind each one is clearly apparent. A highly recommended read.

Review: Bluebeard

Title: Bluebeard
Author: Charles Perrault/Angela Carter
Nationality: French/British
Year: 1697/1977
Publisher: Penguin Mini Modern Classics
Length: 80 pages
Rating: 9/10
Summary: Perrault, not Carter, but magical all the same

The outline

Five of Charles Perrault’s best fairy tales, translated by Angela Carter and bundled for Penguin’s Mini Modern Classics series.

Sample

Curiosity is a charming passion but may only be satisfied at the price of a thousand regrets; one sees around one a thousand examples of this sad truth every day. Curiosity is the most fleeting of pleasures; the moment it is satisfied, it ceases to exist and it always proves very, very expensive.

The verdict

The title of this book is extremely misleading. This is not Angela Carter’s Bluebeard at all, but rather Carter’s translation of Charles Perrault’s Bluebeard and some other fairytales. It’s a bit naughty of Penguin not to make this clear in the blurb, where the tales are described as “playful and subversive retellings”, rather than making it clear that they’re actually fairly faithful translations. I suppose it was the only way for them to include Carter in their Mini Modern Classics series, as most of her work (including her own set of fairy tales, The Bloody Chamber) is published by Vintage or Virago.

But leaving the fact that this is actually Perrault and not Carter aside, this is a little gem of a book and the fact that Carter kept close to his original works is a bonus. Most versions of Perrault’s tales are all too familiar, but Carter’s translation perfectly captures the satire, wit and elegance you would expect from a 17th century lawyer at the French court.

So it’s one star for Penguin’s marketing tactics, but five for Perrault’s original tales. Readers expecting Carter’s darker, modern retellings will be disappointed, but Perrault’s originals offer a surprisingly fresh outlook on all too familiar tales.

Review: The Phoenix Man

Title: The Phoenix Man
Author: Gary Kilworth
Nationality: British
Year: 2011
Publisher: Infinity Plus
Length: 100+pp
Rating: 4/10
Summary: Falls far short of the hype

The outline

Thirteen speculative fiction short stories from an author described by New Scientist as “the best short story writer in any genre”.

Sample

All would agree that history would have followed a different course if an unknown Galilean had not learned the art of walking on water. Not only did this remarkable man teach himself this now common skill, he was willing to pass it on to others. Just as the first firemaker handed the secret of the flame to his neighbour, thus did this early philosopher generously reveal the secret of his discovery to some fishermen on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. His name has been lost to us, but his talent is now universal. There are few of our children beyond the age of six or seven years who cannot now tread the waves. 

The verdict

I’m not sure what New Scientist was thinking when it described Gary Kilworth as “the best short story writer in any genre”. On the evidence of The Phoenix Man, that certainly isn’t the case.

Undoubtedly the ideas behind Kilworth’s stories are good – better than good in some cases – but they just don’t follow through. Countless times I began one of the stories in The Phoenix Man and was dazzled by the concept in the first few paragraphs only for the plot to peter out and the writing fail to live up to the initial idea.

12 Men Born of Woman bucked the trend and delivered a strong plot to match its idea and I also enjoyed On The Eyelids of a Wolf, but the rest simply left me frustrated with their unfulfilled promise. I certainly won’t be following fiction recommendations from New Scientist in future.